My first full day here was honestly one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever had to go through. Without a sense of guidance (other than the tour that I had got), I felt like a lone sheep in a forest with a pack of wolves. I kind of felt like that the people would just chew me up and spit me out and I would be just a shell of my former self.
Thankfully that didn’t happen, and I was able to survive my first day here. But this first day really made me think of my old school and my old friends and it got to me. This feeling of being scared and alone like that lamb was a feeling that wasn’t new for me. To those who don’t know that feeling, imagine going to a sporting event by yourself and you’re sitting in a rivals stand. You never think that anyone could possibly be your friends and it’s a bit terrifying because you believe that everyone will hurt you in some way if you happen to do something wrong. I wouldn’t begin to know this feeling until I stepped out of my mother’s car and went through the front doors of the school.
As I stepped into the school for the first time, I noticed a smell that I was very accustomed to. Being at a new school always had a new school smell to it. I had some trouble in getting around the school because I was not used to numbers being literally on every door. Some closets even had numbers. This was only the tip of the iceberg when it came to the confusion I felt this day.
I wouldn’t begin to know this feeling until I stepped out of my mother’s car and went through the front doors of the school.
When I stepped into my first class, it started to sink in that I was in a different school with most likely different standards and learning systems than at my old school. I noticed that was raining outside and that the rain kind of represented how I felt at that time, a bit gloomy and at yet another high school.
1st period went relatively fast and as it ended, I had to be the first one out. I was so filled with fear that I almost ran out of the class and went straight to the main office which was where 2nd period was. 2nd period was the office. All I had to do was answer the phone and transfer people who call to where they want their call to go to.
Sounds easy, right? Wrong. Every ring on the phone caught me off guard as I really had no idea what to really do. I was reluctant to be doing this task because I had not realized how many people called in 50 minutes. I was baffled as to what people asked and I kept putting people on hold. I needed a lot of help.
I continued on with my day as I walked into 3rd period. This was one of the few classes I happened to enjoy back at my old school because with me being a history nut, I enjoy history. The class wasn’t very big which I really didn’t mind because I preferred smaller classes. And thankfully, I was actually able to answer a few questions which made me feel a little better about how the day was going. Being in APUSH (an acronym for AP US History) was probably the only time in my entire first day that I really didn’t feel much out of place (besides the fact that I knew no one and was a complete stranger to everyone).
As I started to go to my 4th period class, I started to give myself some motivational thoughts such as “I’m half-way through this day, if I can make it through the other half of the day, I can say I survived day one”. I really don’t know how long that thought lasted though, because even with all this motivation that I tried to tell myself in my head, it really wasn’t sinking in.
4th period in Newspaper was probably one of the few classes where I was actually terrified to step into. As I noticed initially, everyone took their work in there relatively seriously and probably knew each other for a long time. Being a new kid, it’s a feeling I never really enjoyed. A lapse of fear started to sink into my head like if you were playing a sport and you had a chance to win the game for your team and even one mess up could ruin it for not only you but for everyone else. I didn’t know what to do, what to write about, how to write a good enough piece, so many questions went through my head at one moment that if I continued to think about it, my head would explode. I kept telling myself in my head as I sat at the computer that I would sit at and type pieces such as this on that if I can make it to lunch, I’ll be fine. As that bell rung, I was a little happy to be out of there because I felt like I was completely lost and honestly, I was.
As I stepped into the library for lunch, I gave a sigh of relief. The library was such a safe haven for me that I could not help but give a smile. I loved being in the library, I love being surrounded by knowledge and being in an environment of silence and learning. It was basically putting a slice of heaven and putting it on Earth. But unfortunately, that safety was short-lived and bittersweet because I knew eventually that the bell would ring and that I’d have to go to class.
My 5th period was a bit quiet except for one part of the room where I presume everyone who sits in that said area is friends. I took a seat in the back away from everybody because that fear just continued to grow as the day went by. That class period happen to feel like the longest class period for me. I began to feel like that time was going slower in this class. It was almost as if the rules of time didn’t apply in this class. I’d check about every 15 minutes and the clock would only say it was 5 minutes. I like the class and the difficulty it brings to me but, I was just filled with a sense of urgency to get out and go to my last class of the day.
I loved being in the library, I love being surrounded by knowledge and being in an environment of silence and learning. It was basically putting a slice of heaven and putting it on Earth.
6th period was a bit weird because I happened to come in when they were all working on a project. I took a seat away from everyone and tried to find something to keep myself occupied. I happened to find a card that a friend from North Carolina had given me on my last day, and as I read it, I started to think back to those 9 months I happened to live in North Carolina and remember all the good friends I happened to make. That feeling of nostalgia started to come up, something I was never much familiar with. I just told myself in my head, “it’s going to be a while till I find myself a good friend like some of the friends I had back there, but I can only hope that I’ll find that good friend soon.”
As the clock in 6th period was getting closer to that 2:15 mark, my heart was filled with so much anticipation to get out. It was like being a 6 year old and being only a few days away from Christmas time. You’re left wondering when you’ll get to open those presents.
It was like being a 6 year old and being only a few days away from Christmas time. You’re left wondering when you’ll get to open those presents.
Finally the bell rang. I was free. Free of the first day of what seemed like an eternity to get through. I was done with that first day, quite possibly the most difficult day for anyone who moves to a new school. As I got on the bus to go back, I started to think to myself that since I got through this first day, the rest of the days should be easy. So far, I’ve had ups and downs in the few weeks I’ve been to school here, and thankfully I found some friends that I can talk to. But the one thing that has stuck out to me at this school was that feeling of fear that I felt on that first day.
– Words by Weylin Messenger
– Image by Camper Ruybal
– Audio by Mr. Strong