Dear Alex,
He cheated on me, three blindly happy years together and he cheated. I’m torn apart from the inside out and at a loss for words, came to you for help. I simply don’t know what to do, to try or not to try? I love him, I probably always will. But knowing he was embraced by someone else. A rage of lust is different than a tsunami of emotions.
To love another? Does that mean his love for me wasn’t true? Three years amount to nothing? A lapse in judgment or a sudden glimpse at reality? People make mistakes, but falling head over heels isn’t always someone’s fault, you can’t help who you love and I can’t help but love this adulterer.
He claims I’m the one he wants, needs even. That he’s “Sorry, I love you, I’ll do anything.” But to trust a liar, to forgive someone who had been sneaking around behind my back, I don’t want to be that girlfriend. The one that’s controlling, obsessive, over-needy. The Where-are-you-who-are-you-with-at-this-very -second texts were never really my thing and not what I wanted to become. But forgiving him is something I won’t even try to do for the time being because what a waste of energy to try to change the way you feel after being suddenly ripped apart limb by limb. So what am I asking? Rather simple really, can you forgive a cheater? Is it true, is this love? Or do I give up, forget move on and lose the only love I’ve really ever known.
To Love or Not to Love.
Dear, To Love or not to Love.
First off, he does love you. Its true people make mistakes, accidents happen, but this doesn’t really fall under the accident category now does it? But things happen, people get carried away. But trust really is everything and whoever says otherwise has no understanding of the word. (Trust (trʌst) – reliance on and confidence in the truth, worth, reliability, etc, of a person or thing; faith related.) To trust someone is to put your faith in them. Faith that they’ll stay, treat you right, that all the things they say and the promises they make are true.
He came back to you though, and that’s what you have to remember. He said he wants you. He doesn’t want this other women, some stranger, he wants you. No one can tell you how to feel or even how you should feel. You can be hurt for as long as you want.No one can control that but you. You are your own.
One thing you need to realize is that if you do take him back, that pain might never go away, that worry, that suspicion. It will always be in the back of your mind even if you don’t want it there.
He did it before, what’s stopping him now?
Well hopefully, you.
The saying “once a cheater always a cheater” isn’t hundred percent true. People change, it happens, in some cases yes. But the number one thing you have to look after is yourself; if you’re not ready to forgive him then don’t get back together. It would be a useless attempt at something that would never last. At least not now.
Give it time.
– Alex
– Words by Victoria Bauer
– Photo by Jessi Proulx