{"id":6492,"date":"2019-03-28T09:14:36","date_gmt":"2019-03-28T17:14:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/howlheritage.com\/?p=6492"},"modified":"2019-03-28T09:36:49","modified_gmt":"2019-03-28T17:36:49","slug":"steps-by-hannah-mcbride","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/howlheritage.com\/?p=6492","title":{"rendered":"Steps by Hannah McBride"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Steps to Living an Ordinary Life<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Step 1:<\/strong> Pull up the hood to hide your face, plug in the earbuds to block out the noise. Nobody needs to look at you, nobody needs to talk to you. Somewhere in your head says it\u2019d be nice but the fear is too strong.<\/p>\n

Step 2:<\/strong>\u00a0Stare blankly at the clock, watch in mournful silence as the hands tick by. The time is painful, draining away your composure. Everything seems painfully slow.<\/p>\n

Step 3:<\/strong>\u00a0Looking down you try to work but before there\u2019s anything written, the bell rings. Productivity doesn\u2019t seem to be in your mind\u2019s best interest.<\/p>\n

Step <\/strong>4:<\/strong>\u00a0Swing the bag over your shoulder, like everyone else you walk out. Bodily contact is something unwanted and yearned for at the same time.<\/p>\n

Step <\/strong>5:<\/strong>\u00a0There are too many people, too many faces. Shoulder the bag again while you feel self-conscious. Everyone seems to glance at you as you walk by and it burns like hot irons. It\u2019s like they know you\u2019re avoiding the help, making you feel guilty.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Step 6:<\/strong>\u00a0Smile at your friends because they need to believe the illusion that you\u2019re okay for right now. This isn\u2019t a place to open up, people will listen in and expose you. Sure you could see someone about it, but that\u2019s so much effort.<\/p>\n

Step <\/strong>7:<\/strong>\u00a0Feeling lonely and unwanted isn\u2019t unusual. You\u2019re the emo kid and as such you\u2019re expected to just deal with it. They don\u2019t know it still hurts. Therapy seems so out of reach and bothersome.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Step <\/strong>8:<\/strong>\u00a0Listen and nod your head as everyone vents to you, start no tea, throw no shade and you\u2019ll be fine. But what about being helped? Nobody ever listens to you.<\/p>\n

Step 9:<\/strong>\u00a0Go home and sit in the dark, there\u2019s no more energy inside. It\u2019s all been used to hide your emotions of feeling ignored. Spend restless nights awake in more pain, just to meet the slow rising sun.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Step 10:<\/strong>\u00a0Look outside and listen to the wind. Everything\u2019s not so bad, just a single frame of time in a single part of life. Sleep now and let anxiety be at rest, find your little point of light in the darkness.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Step 11:<\/strong>\u00a0Repeat the process in a never ending cycle, because this is your life and you don\u2019t quite know how to change it.<\/p>\n

Words by Hannah McBride<\/strong><\/p>\n

Images by Deven Clevidence<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Steps to Living an Ordinary Life Step 1: Pull up the hood to hide your face, plug in the earbuds to block out the noise. Nobody needs to look at you, nobody needs to talk to you. Somewhere in your head says it\u2019d be nice but the fear is too strong. Step 2:\u00a0Stare blankly at […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,33],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6492","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-photography","category-poetry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/howlheritage.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6492","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/howlheritage.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/howlheritage.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/howlheritage.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/howlheritage.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6492"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/howlheritage.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6492\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6613,"href":"https:\/\/howlheritage.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6492\/revisions\/6613"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/howlheritage.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6492"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/howlheritage.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6492"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/howlheritage.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6492"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}